he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize