His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
