3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
