Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
