the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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