What a fucking waste of an outfit
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
