ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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