The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
