i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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