God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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