she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
