Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
