Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
