sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just want to make out with him forever
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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