i think my mom watched the whole time
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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