Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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