3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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