dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
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I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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