You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
