So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
