just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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