I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
