if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
