I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave