you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.