End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.