Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
