Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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