She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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