Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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