And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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