I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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