Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
