Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
