I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
