even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
