The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
