At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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