The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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