Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
