Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i think i scared a bird with my dick
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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