just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Welp...herpes.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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