first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
