she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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