Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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