I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
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My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
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We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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