What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
