I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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