Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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