I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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