If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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