??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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