I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
