just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
