We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
