Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
