not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my shit smells like andre
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
