you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
