I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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