what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
