i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
