sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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