dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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