Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
