While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
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My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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