In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
