I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
