guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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