i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize