Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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