This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
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You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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