My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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