Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
