is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
