i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
