The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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