I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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