I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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