non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
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I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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