i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize