i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
