Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
