last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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