do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
