I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
BRING THE BAGELS
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
